Not sure if this will be interesting to anyone else, but I feel like I've finally found an accurate description of what I've been dealing with for basically my entire life. There are a lot of very specific thought processes and the quotes in this article are literally the paraphrased words I've been telling everyone this entire time. It even goes into the EXACT health things that I've dealt with and talked about at length on here over the years if anyone remembers reading those posts.
idk, I just feel like this might actually be the thing that I have: http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150818-what-is-it-like-to-have-never-f...