Haruhi is god, Yuki is a robot, Asahina (you) is (are) an agent from the future sent to observe Haruhi, Itsuki is an esper meant to keep Haruhi emotionally stable (lest she destroy the world in an unfortunate teenage hormonal mood swing), and Kyon is just normal human scum, he should fuck Haruhi but doesn't have the massive spinning balls to do so.
