well i just want to say i really hope you make it through it dave. i'd say text me or fb but i have neither anymore. sold my iphone to get high and deleted fb to prevent contact with any of my old hooligan crew. but hit me up on here or rarely xbl if you ever wanna talk. good luck buddy.
hey guys it's Zeague/Dave and I have let you guys down again.. but i'm getting help
10 years here since 3 weeks ago, and you're at Beyond gobbling up Halo 5 and 343. Shame on you, Mike.
yeah ive been a member here for 10 years but for ~5 years i was either inactive or banned
1. i dont really give a fuck about halo or h5, console gaming is no longer appealing to me, yeah i own it but ive only played it for like 10 hours max.
2. i've been very critical of 343 and i've been very public about it as well, i'm blocked by josh holmes and another 343 employee on twitter because of how i've gone about things
i've also been very critical about h5, mcc, and 343 on team beyond, and the reason i chose to post there was because 343 is active on that website.
this whole thf vs team beyond mentatlity is childish and holding this site back, the one thing tb and thf have in common is that they are both genuine communites, you should be angry at halofollower and readyuplive for being shill communities that only exist to further 343's agenda
so chill, i can do whatever i want, i'm not obligated to be active here and i don't have an "allegiance" to any website, nowadays i mostly visit reddit and twitter, and watch streams on twitch (besides playing games)
anyways, yo dudes, glad to see some familiar names still around
relapsed again after a week and three days clean. guess i'm done though. got lucky and found funds to allow me a couple chances to use. only got bupe though and only slammed it the first time. so now i'm out of that and kinda scared my mom is gonna stop my aunt from giving me the lorazepam. only been taking 2mg for 2 months at the max, but benzo withdrawal can be scary. i have yet to experience it and hope i never do. here's to tapering down from that i guess.
sorry i let everyone down again. it's a struggle.
I see you guys tell each other that you've let each other down...and I like that this accountability is here for help. But one thing I want to kind of impress on you guys who are struggling with addiction - you can do it. You may not get it on the first try...but you CAN do it.
You CAN do it...not because you want everyone around you to be happy for your choices. You CAN do it because you WANT to.
One of the toughest things that people can go through, physically, is the transition from regular weight lifting into FULL ON body building. One of the NEXT toughest things people can go through, physically...is fighting addiction. But people get through both of these all of the time...because they WANT to.
I'm not saying that you guys don't want to...I don't mean to imply that anyone here doesn't have the desire to be clean.
But WANTING to be clean is the first step...and this comes from within. If you didn't "want" to be clean...you guys wouldn't even be trying. You wouldn't be looking for resources, and you wouldn't be posting your failures in a place where people are holding each other accountable. You guys are on the right path...but you can't be hard on yourself about your relapses as long as you really want to.
What you guys SHOULD be focusing on is the goal. And I don't mean the goal to be clean. The GOAL is to be able to _______ and to do that, you have to be clean.
When you start keeping your eye on that goal...it's a lot easier to start seeing more progressive improvement, and it makes things like urges and withdrawls less potent. (I'm not saying you won't have those urges or those withdrawls...but I'm saying that they become easier to manage because your eye is on the prize.)
When a weight-lifter looks at the current set of body-builders, and sees how different the two are, they find a fire inside of themselves that drives them. In the same way...you guys used to have a fire for getting high. Your fire isn't there anymore, as evidenced by your desire to clean up. But you haven't found a new fire. You don't have a passion that you're pushing your body for. (Maybe you think you found one...but be honest with yourself if that's really something that you're passionate about.)
If the passion for that goal is greater than your weakness...you'll overcome it in time. It's just something that humans are innately good at. That's how we, as a species, got to the moon, that's how we've developed medicine, that's how we built 60 story buildings, that's how we run a sub-10 second 100 meter dash, and that's how you guys will get clean.
Set a goal. Focus on the goal. Watch the world around you change. I know that's easier said than done...but if you constantly find yourself relapsing, I would bet a lot of money on the fact that you haven't simplified the situation enough. Stress makes it SUPER easy to go back the old ways. But diverting that stress into some sort of way to drive your passion is what I've seen a lot of successful recoveries stem from. You've GOT to find a passion.
After that...focus on that passion until you get there. Getting clean will be a biproduct of that process instead of focusing 100% on the failure of not being able to stay clean, and letting the stress eat you up.
It ain't easy...but you can do it.
You CAN do it, or you wouldn't be here talking about it.
wow i just want to thank you rebal for that post. crazy how years ago i took your advice on my little high school crush situation and prevailed from it. now i'm in an even more serious situation where i need to take that advice seriously. i haven't posted until now because i've been in a constant state of relapsing after only a week or two clean. i just used bupe a few days ago. i was cut off the ativan i was taking as well and am four days clean of that. hopefully i won't feel any withdrawals because i haven't used opiates daily in over a month. i guess i will update this after i get my life straight so i can actually bring you guys good news.
hell the only reason i'm so talkative now is because of the 2 grams gabapentin i've taken today.
dave how are you doing man?
YOU GUYS GOT THIS!!!!! Plus...once the physical part is over, your guys' willpower will be off the charts. The ability to make things happen after you overcome addiction like this really pays off in spades.
Beat yourself, and no one else can. YOU GOT THIS!
