do you still have the same phone number?
yes sometimes i get depressed and dont look at it for days but ill usually always respond eventually.. pm me if u lost it (or if anyone wants it idc im just not posting it ;)
i've been clean 3 days from subs. still taking ativan at night for the anxiety and sleep issues. i'm scared shitless that i have hepatitis c infecting my liver right now. i shared rigs so many times when i was just so pill sick i didn't care. can't even make a doctor visit because i'm on my parent's insurance and the coverage has already been maxed for the year. i'm in debt to so many places from scams i pulled while using. credit is absolute shit i'm sure.
you just gotta find things to occupy your mind. that's what everyone keeps telling me. i know it is so hard when you feel like you described, not wanting to get outta bed. i felt like that just this morning. then i finally got up and took some vitamins, ate some cereal, and then came on here to read about everyone else's shenanigans for a bit. just realize that the withdrawals are the only reason you feel this way, and the longer you're on the worse it gets. then you get the PAWS which is the reason myself and most others end up relapsing.
i guess we just have to realize that it will go away eventually and our brains return to homeostasis. there are ways to make this happen sooner such as excercise, diet, etc. i have been trying to walking at least a few miles every day for the restlessness if nothing else.
meh you've probably heard this all before, but i felt like typing it out just so i could read it myself when the cravings happen. lastly i'll say again that you were my hero when you first got clean for that really long stretch and i was just falling into my own addiction. so i believe that you can make it there again brotha.
yea me and my girl need to get checked we shared needles and ive used them to the point it can barely break my skin which can give it to u too.... plus needles coming from god knows where.. i know man stayng outta ur head is the hardest part man believe me if it was just physical pain oooooooh my god it would be so easy u know??? haha
and yeah man just a day at a time it gets better...... and yeah man i made it 18 months off everything no pysch meds no nothing i know i can do it i just need to man up..
If would seem very simple to him and us, but the thing is, some would maintain that your friend never had the addiction/addictive personality to begin with
I'm wondering how the process really goes down. Like, our man Zeague here and those alike will have the right intentions, but then get the itch and make the moves to satisfy that need. But I would assume the drugs aren't always available in your home. So, you'd have to make the pick up. But do you ever catch yourself in those motions, the ones between deciding to go out and actually receiving, where you examine your actions and ask yourself why? How do you negotiate with them? Idk could probably articulate these questions better but maybe Dave can respond nonetheless
yesssssssssssssss thats a big problem for early recovery. it becomes routine and changes the basic natural function of your brain like the pyrimid of life or whatever u know?
like food>shelter>sex blah blah blah it becomes drugs>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>everything else.
when i had time there were times i was on my way to pick up when i realized what i was doing.. youll twist everything in ur head to justify why u need not want btw NEED to get high.. because after a while ur brain believes it NEEDS it to survive. they tell u in aa and na if u want to use call someone.. its to start a new routine. instead of
u want to get high --> u do what u gotta do (calls, get money, pick up, etc) ---> get high
u want to get high ----> call ---> they help u thru it..
like this saturday. i'd been clean for would have been 2 weeks this past tuesday... and i had a feeling my girl was getting high. so i talked to my buddy and he wanted to get high (meth head met in rehab ended up beng neighbors few months later).... and i wanted to get high but i didn't want to... so eventaully i rationalize .. well if shes gonna get high imma get high.. so i tell him and we go back she says shes been smoking it... so we left said we were going somewhere and copped. you are the company u keep but the thing withs addicts is we all have a dark side which is drugs and the fact that eventually a least a lil the nagging always comes back even if only a sec... with more time clean it seems less fun, you can think clearly, you hopefully kow more normals peoples or peoples from meetings who understand just what ur asking and have been thru the same or similar situations and can help u..
now even as i know this is a stupid idea.. on the car ride i said and i quote "we shouldn't do this // this is so fucking stupid" all i could CLEArLY (cuz a lot of shit was oging on in my head) think about was that high.. .... so i've only got a couple days again.
i'll respond for you desa. there is no debate once an addict is made. once fully addicted the motions you described are simply auto-pilot. you don't have time to sit and debate because your brain tells you to get that substance or else you are in severe trouble (withdrawal). you become so strung out that you love every aspect of the lifestyle. the anticipation of a high when you're on your way to score. the rush you feel when you finally see blood plume into that needle. the narcotic haze you stay in temporarily after. and you even grow to love the sickness because you know the only way to feel a true rush again is to let yourself become sick. a mini tolerance break if you will.
when i was using daily i couldn't even be depressed in withdrawals because i'd be daydreaming of that next high. it is only when you are weeks or months off that the true depression sets in. it just isn't sustainable though. mother nature takes care of that via tolerance. you eventually come to a point when you absolutely need it to even feel normal so then you're in trouble.
i could probably write you a book on this shit, but i'll just direct you to read junky by william s. burroughs instead.
edit: thanks for the support guys. i can use all i can get.
completely this i feel like im more addicited too seeing the blood pull back in the needle than the actaul high...
Figured as much: that as an addict on a mission, there is no capacity to be critical in that way. But what about the very acknowledgment of it? Is that not enough to spring up the thoughts you wrote down above and counter them when on a run? I suppose I know the answer. But maybe just knowing there's an auto pilot can prompt you to grab the wheel again
Just thinking out loud, I guess. Kick its ass, man
like i said before we (addicts) are basically cartman from that fish dicks episode.. we can convince ourselfs to believe anything..
like i said about how i said i would use only if my girl was....... the thing was I fucking knew she was. i was just twisting my fucking brain around to make it "okay"..
drugs are fucking crazy and i fucking hate them.... if u have anymore questions or anything desa shoot away or if i was unclear about anything im all here to talk about it kills some time and if it's time not high then that's cool for me.